ON THIS DAY

September 27, 2009

Twenty years ago on this day, Camp Crystal Lake was shut down after the mysterious death of a young boy and a pair of counselors. Local bachelor Crazy Ralph had warned everybody of the danger—by painting cryptic scenes of the impending nightmare in his own feces—but his rants fell on severed ears. Camp owner, Steve Christy, describes this time of year at Camp Crystal Lake as “Kinda quiet”.

Also on this day:

1530 The Jesuits (aka: The Society of Jesus) receives its charter from Pope Paul III, a document he describes as “All killer, no filler”. The charter contains a directive that all members should call him “Big Paulie”.

1822: Jean-François Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone, and that it contains a recipe for moussaka.

1905: The physics journal Annalen der Physik publishes Albert Einstein's paper "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?", introducing the equation E=mc², and the phrase, “Blown all to fuckery”.

1956: USAF janitor Milburn G. Apt becomes the first man to exceed Mach 3 while cleaning the Bell X-2 “Starburster” jet.

1964: The Warren Commission releases its report, concluding that Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, but being in a possession of special powers, assassinated President John F. Kennedy.

1997: Technicians for the Mars Pathfinder space probe are surprised to see images of a fully functioning Chinese city on the far side of Mars, shortly before communications are suddenly lost.